Holler Out to the Masses

It has been almost two months since I updated my blog. No excuses. It is what it is (I detest that statement with a vengeance, by the way).

First of all, no one should let 16 year olds drive. They are like little babies. And they don’t have full prefrontal cortex development at all. And sometimes they say things like, “Well, I thought it was a trashcan, so I just kept backing up.” As if backing into a trash can is okay (But seriously, I’d take it over backing into a car which is what the supposed-trashcan actually was). The kid is a safe driver, just don’t let him drive backwards. He’s the opposite of Mater (that’s a reference to Cars, which is ironic because when he was a baby we watched that movie approximately 7 million times, so you think backwards driving would be where it’s at).

I’m losing weight and taking names. And running. And walking. And also I still feel tired. I mean, I went to Target with the kids, ate out on the patio, and did a quick tour of the Polk cabins, and I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I’m guessing this is what happens when you have been sitting home for a year and decide to venture back into the real world. As an aside, do you remember when we all said, ‘When I’m in the real world, things will be xyz.” I actually told my son something the other day and said, “When you’re in the real world,” as if the world he’s living in is not real.

The world he’s living in is TOO real. Our kids have so much stress. They are resilient beyond measure. He keeps telling me I don’t understand, and I don’t. I didn’t have the kind of pressure he has in his life. Shout out to the kids, yo!

That was a giant aside, so back to the losing weight and taking names. I decided a few months back that being a sloth was the pits. I basically only left the couch to pee. I would walk with friends, but most days I spent in bed, on the computer working, or generally not doing much. So I got to moving again. I started running and not worrying about my pace, just moving my body. I’m running about 4 times a week now. I run 3-5 miles depending on the day. I have a running buddy some days, and I go by myself some days. I sometimes sing to myself out-loud while running, so people smile and laugh at me. Good times. I really love this time of year when it’s cool in the morning, and spring is coming, and it’s warmer in the afternoon. I love exploring the neighborhoods near me by foot. I forgot how much running meant to me and how good it was for my mental health. When I start doing it, I start feeling happier. I’m a better parent, better wife, and generally a better and happier person. And I don’t even go fast. I probably do what most people consider jogging, but whatevs. I do it for me.

I wanted to write more, and I had this great idea to write about a world in which soulmates are determined through a program. And then guess what? In my many hours of binging Netflix and other streaming services (of which I pay for too many), I saw this show called One which is about exactly that. I am hoping one day soon to get back to novel-writing or at least short story writing or some form of writing. I love the way I feel when I write, just like when I run, so why do I fight it so much?

Anyway, we are getting ready to see family soon, which is so exciting because it has been so long. It’s amazing the perspective a 1 year pandemic puts into your life. It makes you look at your priorities, and change them. I feel this year has made me grow as a person. Probably COVID-19 coupled with the fact I’m now 40+. It’s true what people say about being over 40–you start not giving a shit about what other people think. You really come into your own. I am so much better at establishing boundaries than I was even two years ago, and at knowing what I want, and generally being satisfied with life. It’s crazy that it takes human beings almost half of their life to feel this way (or at least this human being). This has been some lifelong work.

Also, here is a picture of my dog Jazz. She’s awesome, and honestly once the hubs and I aren’t working from home anymore I’m not sure if she’ll be okay (she has a brother, Skippy, who is equally as awesome but doesn’t really like his photo taken).

My dog is cute.

Signing off.

Lauren

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Going Ons

Hello Lovelies! I’ve been busy lately, and I’ve neglected my blog again. I’m sorry about that. Here’s a little bit of what’s been going on in my life.

I got a Fitbit HR Charge. It was a present to myself. I’ve been obsessively trying to beat a co-worker in steps each week. He’s short, so I think he must take about five or six strides to my one. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. The Fitbit has been motivating me to exercise more again, which is great because I had fallen off the wagon. Now, I’ve been doing Glide about three times during the week, and running about 2 times. I’m still running short distances and mostly running on the treadmill. I went out for a morning run the other day, and I had forgotten how much I liked the solitude and peace of the outdoors in the morning–not to mention the coolness, as opposed to 90+ degrees days.

My son found an Eastern Fence lizard in my parent’s yard, and he decided he had to have her as a pet. Her name’s Spikey.

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I spent about $100 getting this lizard set up in a cage with a thermometer, sand, water, a fake tree and a rock hiding place. I do hope she lives for a bit. We bought crickets to feed her, and we put them in a little critter keeper. They are the loudest things in the world. As I’m sitting here they are chirping and driving me nuts. At first, I felt bad that we were feeding the crickets to Spikey. But this morning, I woke up and went to get my coffee. I noticed the crickets were low on food, so I put some in their critter creeper. One of the crickets was cannibalizing the other. I had no idea they did that. Plus, the poor victim was still alive even though half his body had been eaten. Gross. I found this article about them, so I’m guessing these guys are really katydids and the lack of food in their cage led them to eat each other.

I’ve been writing again. Putting my energy into a story that is flowing better than anything I’ve written in awhile. Plus, reading. I read Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff over the weekend. I highly recommend this book, and I’m going to write a review about it a little bit later this week.

And my oldest has middle school orientation this week. Where did the time go? I thought he was still just this little baby.

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But no. Here he is, a tween, and looking more and more grown up every day.

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Being a parent is so much about loving, teaching, and learning to let go. I hope I’m giving him the right tools to succeed in life. Parenting is the hardest, and every day I question myself. I used to have so much guilt in everything I did. I felt guilty for leaving him at daycare while I went to work. I felt guilty for disciplining him. I almost felt guilty for breathing. I was driving home from work the other day, and I realized that guilt is gone. Why? Because we, parents, are human and we’re doing the best we can. Because I know I am a good parent to him even on his hardest days. I know he’ll look back at his childhood and know he was loved. And that’s the most important thing, right? I also know, that he’ll blame me for a thousand wrongs. But that’s human nature. Boy–do I love this big kid more and more every day. It’s amazing to see him blossom into a young man, full of his own ideas, and to see him making his way in this amazing world of ours. Love you kiddo!

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