Begin Again

Self-sabotage. I think that little hyphenated word sums me up and a lot of other writers I know. I get into a funk, or I let busy get in the way, and I stop writing.

About a month ago, I started writing, yet another, novel. I wrote feverishly on it for about two weeks. I ended up with about 20,000 words. It was the most I’d written since Booktrope folded and The Devil Within went out of print. And then I stopped. I let the same old excuses stop me: I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never get published. I’ll never make writing my career. Self-sabotage.

The thing is: I will never be good enough if I don’t try. I have two hang-ups. The muddle in the middle where I think all my stories suck. And the end when I have to revise. I have a hard time revising effectively. It’s hard, in my busy schedule (excuses again) to find hour longs stretches where I can arrange, slash, and rewrite. But I’ve done it before. That should tell me that I have the capability. Still the human mind is completely adept at self-sabotage. I think it’s an innate fear or failure or success that makes me put the brakes on. Which is ridiculous. Fear can be a driver and a defeater. I’m ready to use it as a driver again.

So here I am. I promise I’ll blog at least once a month so you, the people, have something to read. Hopefully you get something out of it again. I’m going to stop defeating myself and start winning again.

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8 thoughts on “Begin Again

  1. I noticed you’d been quiet but, with negative stuff going on in my world, I’m afraid I did no more that simply clock that. I’m truly sorry to hear that you’ve been in a funk and I imagine that Booktrope folding will have had a significantly larger impact than you may have expected at the time. But I’m so glad that you are back – and writing – because your writing is not just good enough, it is really very good indeed. So, welcome back, I – for one – am looking forward to hearing more about your current WIP.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know and understand the feeling. I am my own worst enemy. I started my current WIP shortly after putting out my first book then let the self-doubt, fear, excuses, etc stop me from going any farther. It sat untouched for 2 years. I fully believe that admitting you know you have a problem is the first step. For me it took away the excuses I allowed myself. I hope you can push through and get it done. As you said, you’ve done it before so you know you’re capable! You got this! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad that you decided to start blogging again. I can empathize with feeling inadequate with your writing. I seem to ask myself, “Am I good enough? Should I be writing this story?”. I have moments where I set writing aside for days and weeks at a time because I feel like I should be doing more and I’m not. But somehow, I still write.

    Yesterday, I was in a chat session on Twitter, and expectations was the topic of the day. I commented that I set my expectations too high, and that’s why I failed to meet some goals. This year, my goals are more realistic, but I still want to push myself as a writer. I think lowering my expectations will be key to making my goals happen.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much. I have learned some great things from you, such as not letting setbacks get in the way of what you want to do. There are days when I ask why I got into writing in the first place. I read so many other blogs and they share the ups and downs of writing a novel. I feel I’m nowhere close to even starting. But the last few posts I read from you got me thinking about what you have to go through on a daily basis, but you don’t let it slow you down. That’s courage.

        Thank you for inspiring me to keep writing.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I can’t speak for everybody but I know that when it comes to writing, I’m the same way. I always get stuck, and it’s difficult to move forward because I’m afraid. I think that for me it’s more that I’m afraid of success than I am of failure, though there’s always that niggle in the back of my mind that maybe I’m wasting my time.

    Which is stupid, because I spend a lot of time writing, but none of it on writing a book. Want to talk about wasting time? lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are right. I think a lot of it is an innate fear. But I don’t think your writing that you’re not writing your book is a waste of time. It’s probably helping you become a better writer. The more we write the better we write.

      Like

  5. In this you are certainly not alone … Everyone gets into a funk at some point and writing something like this can help. Underneath that self-sabotaging tendency every writer has a core of steel that will emerge, again and again and again. Trust it.

    Liked by 1 person

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