Everything…and Nothing Sometimes

September 9, 2020 / legreene515 / 2 Comments

My attempts to blog more frequently have been thwarted by my attempts to do everything…and nothing sometimes. Virtual school takes up a lot of time. Not like I’m going to school, but I have to do a lot of follow-up with my kids to make sure they’re turning things in. I’m still not sure they’re actually turning things in all the time.

COVID-19 is so strange. I have been home more in the last 6 months then I probably have been home in my adult life. When I go to the CVS to pick up something, it feels like a REAL outing! Also, my husband and I are together ALL the time. I told my sister I think I have seen him more these last six months then the first 16 years of our marriage. I used to actually go to work. Now I just go downstairs to work.

Some days I do everything and some days I do nothing. Productivity during the time of COVID is hard. It’s like there’s a little voice whispering to me on certain days that streaming 9 hours of television and drinking too much is okay. And then I have what I like to call guilty days where I decide I will turn over a new leaf. On these days, I go for a run, log my food, get all my work done, read, and spend quality time with my kids. I need more guilty days in my life.

I have over the last few months been wondering if I am suffering from depression again. I went through a bleak period a few years ago where I had some familial issues. Those were dark times. I worry on days when I am feeling particularly low, but then I think of all the extenuating factors. First, the whole world stopped in March of 2020. And the U.S. couldn’t get its head out of its ass long enough to put policies in place to stop the spread or at least slow the spread of COVID. Then there became a lot of social unrest (granted–it’s about time). And don’t even get me started on politics. And then the kids had to do virtual school. Oh, yeah, and we moved away from our family and had to make new friends, move into a new house, and start all over. These are big life stressors.

My whole life I have grappled with the big question of why we exist. When my kids were born I knew I existed because of them. Holding my newborn son for the first time felt so eye-opening. But as months and months stretch on I wonder what my specific purpose is. I think about how I could have been so creative during this time. I could have really tuned into my writing, and I wonder why I chose instead to binge watch every single show on Netflix. I would like to live a purpose-driven work, but sometimes it just seems like so much work.

I met someone the other day who said her purpose in life is to make fun. Or maybe she said to have fun. I mean, how amazing is that? Sometimes I think as human beings we are too hard on ourselves for living our lives, for not being perfect, and for not being okay all the time. I struggle with my sad feelings, thinking I have such a great life that I should be happy. But what is happiness without sorrow? It simply does not exist.

I wake up each and every day with hope. I have my cup of coffee. I read or watch a little television. And then I tell myself that whatever I do today will be enough. That some days I’m capable of doing everything. And some days I’m capable of doing nothing. And that’s okay.

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Productive Running

February 22, 2016February 22, 2016 / legreene515 / 1 Comment

I had a productive weekend, and I feel so good from it. I have a tendency toward lassitude on my weekends at home (thanks to my son for the vocabulary word this weekend). I’m so busy during the week and with travel gymnastics season that when I have a day at home I want to sit around and binge watch Netflix. I may have told you this about a hundred times.

I had a cough last week. The prior weekend, I’d visited my sister and we ran in snow flurries and cold, and I think it set my asthma off. My breathing has been strange, and I have a morning and a night cough, so I took almost a week off from running. Boy, was that discouraging.

Instead of sleeping late on Saturday, I woke up early and went for a run with my running partner Sean.

EIGHT Miles! The furthest yet. And I didn’t die or cough to death. In fact, it made me feel even more like this half-marathon is doable. I took Gu and water, and I felt fine afterwards. In fact, I came home and after I quit shivering, I took a small nap, then went to run errands with Hubby and the kids. In the afternoon, I played in the backyard with the kids in the sunshine, including football and basketball. I kept going and for once didn’t feel completely exhausted after a long run. What an achievement. Almost as good as writing a book! 😉 And then yesterday, I didn’t even feel sore!

I will say that I worked very hard on changing my attitude this week. I’d been having negative thoughts during my runs like, I can’t do this. This hurts. I want to stop. So I did a Google search on how to motivate myself to keep running when I’m by myself. The consensus seemed to be to have a mantra. And I stole mine from one of those authors: Where the feet go, the mind follows. Any time I feel like quitting, I tell myself this. And it works. It’s amazing how much changing ones thinking from negative to positive can be a motivator.

What was your greatest achievement this weekend?

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The Life and Times of a Writer

August 27, 2015August 27, 2015 / legreene515 / Leave a comment

It’s been a rather crazy week in the world of the Greenes. Once school starts, everything seems to take off with super hero speed. But I’ve actually been productive this week too besides scrambling just to get everything done.

Here’s what’s been taking up my time and dragging me away from my readers at my lovely blog:

1.Editing my newest piece of Southern Fiction (Southern thriller, maybe?) Little Birdhouses. I finished Chapter 5 yesterday. Slow going, but I’m finally on a schedule.

2. Trying to figure out how to eat a Dairy Queen ice cream, take a “groupie” of me and the boys, and not include my hand in the photo (I still need work on this).

3. Putting together a newsletter for you lovely people to read. You can sign up at http://eepurl.com/bo4ILP. (Also, FYI the little monkey round button at the bottom of each of my posts is a newsletter sign-up). Next one goes out 8/31/15

4. Hanging at the playground with some fun peeps:

5. Writing loads of flash fiction at Finish That Thought, Micro Bookends, and Flash!Friday. Never winning, although I do have a knack for taking the special challenge winner. My day will come, I tell you!

6. Dealing with a sick Kindergartner and driving three kids to three different activities plus a day job, coordinating babysitters, and trying to figure out who is going to cook dinner.

7. Writing a Southern Literature novel with no name. How I wish I could find a name for the dang thing, but at least the words are flowing.

8. Trying to figure out Reddit so I can entertain my readers on September 20th:

9. Exercising to burn a few calories (more news soon about a collaborative Healthy Writer piece!)

10. Drinking lots of wine so I can consume the calories I just burned off.

That’s my life in a nutshell right now. Crazy busy. I’m thinking organization, calendars, and scheduling might be of use to me. These have never been my strong points, but I’m making a change (or trying to). I’m also trying to be more productive, because there is literally no time to procrastinate!

How you doing? What’s been going on in your world lately?

Did you know I wrote a book, and you have a chance to win a free copy but HURRY, because the winners will be picked on 8/31/15.